Fear is the Mind-killer.

“Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.” ― Frank Herbert, Dune

Upon rereading my past diaries, I see a shift in my worldview: my writings have transitioned from a macro perspective to a more personal narrative. In recent years, to comprehend and navigate the challenges and roadblocks in life, I frequently confront elusive and subtle "fears". By recognizing and overcoming these seemingly minor internal obstacles, and then breaking them down, I gradually attain a state of equanimity towards all aspects of life.

I’ll talk about a few of my changes.

Insight into Specific Fears

This year, I made a career shift to be a product marketer. During my initial days on this role, I felt a sense of unease. I took some time to identify the source of my discomfort and realized it stemmed from various fears. These included the fear of not generating traffic after product launch, an inability to find accurate traffic sources, unresponsive or rejecting partners, encountering unexpected difficulties, and the inability to find new coping strategies. All these factors contributed to the fear of my choice possibly leading to failure.

However, reflecting on my past experiences, I recognized that I've always been confronted with uncertain situations. Despite the increased complexity, I've managed to carve out new paths and keep moving forward every time. And in the end the outcome of my new job has been neither purely positive nor negative: our team just continually optimize the product based on feedback. There's always a way forward once we've made a start.

Embracing Your Inner Growth

Changes in life are often gradual and subtle. Only I truly understand that my heart has endured countless trials and tribulations. I recall the challenges and growth of these years: having my personality denied, experiencing repeated rejections, doubting my own abilities, experiencing a depressed economic climate, grappling with disillusionment from close ones, and dealing with financial stress. However, these experiences didn't make me closed-off, fragile, or pessimistic, nor did they stop me from moving forward. Instead, they have taught me to handle life's ups and downs.

Even small victories, like starting a minor project, can reignite my life. They open up new possibilities, which in turn guide me into a new reality.

Moving Away from Predicting the Future

In my 20s, I was fascinated by studying probabilities (I have a degree in actuarial science). I was eager to understand how the world functions and yearned to discover some more profound truths, hoping that they could help me predict trends and the future.

Looking back, I realize my initial interest in prediction was rooted in a fear of uncertainty. I wanted to know if I could carve my own path, find my own answers, and whether my career would face insurmountable dilemmas. I was keen on foreseeing if I could resolve challenges without hitting rock bottom, or if I would encounter a colossal failure that I couldn't overcome.

Now, however, I no longer have an interest in predicting the future. I'm unsure about the longevity of my current project or what my next project will be, but I have ample confidence in my problem-solving abilities. I know the issues I might face are no more challenging than those others encounter. As long as I possess enough courage and inner strength, I can always find a new direction when faced with stagnation.

This photo is a piece of work I saw at Chen Man's art exhibition, and I use its quote to conclude this article: "Triumph over yourself is far more important than triumph over others."